Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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