I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
