If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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