it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
