True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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