I heard we made out
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
