best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
BRING THE BAGELS
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
