Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
