Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it glows. i had to have it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
