If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
