My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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