Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
