this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
