ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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