i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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