is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
