your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
