Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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