I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
