Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
