i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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