You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
