I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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