I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
