he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
