Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
