Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
only you would photoshop your dick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
