Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
