I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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