i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
