We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
