The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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