she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
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Do I have a choice?
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She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
