You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
