Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
