my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
