I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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