I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
