It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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