My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
