I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
