if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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