Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He better not be in your backpack
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
