I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
