I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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