smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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