we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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