hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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