you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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