your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
