laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
