Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
