i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
