Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i believe in u and ur pee
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
