I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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