I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
