no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This baby is an asshole
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
